After both his opponents, John Brownlee and David Foster, sent out e-mails claiming victory in the latest Republican Attorney General candidate’s debate, Ken Cuccinelli sent out this press release:
Centreville, Va. — Senator Cuccinelli today complimented Dave Foster for coming in first place in the debate press release contest. Said Senator Cuccinelli, “I have to admit, when it comes to getting out a claim of victory fast, I just can’t keep up with these guys.” Shortly after Dave Foster got out his claim of debate victory, John Brownlee followed suit. “I just couldn’t believe it,” said Cuccinelli, “John got his claim of victory out in about 15 minutes, but Dave still beat him! Amazing.” Cuccinelli speculated that this may be an indicator of which candidate will come in second and which one will come in third in the balloting on May 30th.
Cuccinelli said that this lightening performance demonstrates what a competitive field of candidates he is in. “How am I supposed to compete with two guys that can participate in a debate while typing press releases on their blackberrys at the same time? This really is a tough race.”
Cuccinelli said that he thinks that surviving such tough competition will better prepare him to take on Delegate Steve Shannon, the Democrats’ nominee for Attorney General. “After I come through the hellfire of the lightening-fast debate victory claims that I’ve been contending with in this nomination contest, there’s no way Steve is going to beat our campaign to the punch in claiming victory in our general election debates.”
“These guys even had quotes from other people the moment the debate ended,” commented a clearly astonished Senator Cuccinelli as he shook his head in amazement. “They must have been text messaging while drafting their press releases on their blackberrys while debating! Incredible! This is almost unfair.”